First Rejections

By Heather Shumaker

My first rejection letter - in 3rd grade.

My very first rejection letter came in 3rd grade.  I'd been writing endless stories by then, and thought I was pretty good.My teacher loved my stories and encouraged me to apply; my parents loved them. I was sure I would win and be published in the magazine.

When the rejection letter came I was shocked.  What - not mine?  I was shocked but not devastated. Mostly I remember feeling intrigued.  Editors had selected other children's stories instead of mine, OK, this writing thing was harder than I had thought.  The rejection made me more determined.

I'm grateful for that early rejection letter.  It got me used to rejection at an early age.  It helped open my eyes to the fact that there are other talented writers out there, and that I needed to truly put in some EFFORT to make my dreams come true.

Kids need to experience rejection when they're young.  Rejection of all kinds.  It's part of taking risks. The very first rejections are usually social risks like asking to join in a game: "Can I play with you?" In my book It's OK Not to Share I delve into the benefits of kids facing risk and rejection.  There will always be risk in our lives, and learning to accept the possibility of rejection, learning to cope and moving on are life skills we all need.

Besides, the earlier kids experience rejection, the more matter-of-fact and common place it becomes. "She might say 'yes' and she might say 'no,'' we can remind kids.  Rejection does not have to be disrespectful or devastating.  Sometimes it's an answer that propels us forward in new ways. Sometimes it's the answer we need to try again. To get better at something.  To improve our emotional coping skills.

Rejection is always part of life, as long as we change and grow and take risks.

I'm still determined to write and publish.  What about you?  Do we shield kids too much from risk and rejection? Have you ever benefitted from rejection?

6 responses to “First Rejections”

  1. I'll keep trying to get published until I run out of story ideas.

    I think kids today are much to shielded from rejection. One of the most important things about growing up is finding out what you are bad at, as well as what you're good at. If everyone is told they excel at everything they try, they'll be too overwhelmed with false choices to make an intelligent career or life choice. That's why competition is vital to a strong, successful society.

    We want the best athletes to populate our teams, the best teachers to teach our children, the smartest people to figure out the mysteries of nature, the best writers to capture the thoughts and deeds of successful people and to stir our imaginations for what is possible or dreamable, the strongest mentally to do the toughest jobs, the best nurterers to take care of the young, the old, the sick and the weak.

    The only way to do that is gently but firmly sort out everyone's abilities with competition, grades, achievement tests, art and music lessons, youth sports, etc., where everyone can try activities in a non-critical setting and discover for themselves what they love, like, hate, excel at, or just plain stink at doing.

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Chris, yes, life choices can be overwhelming, and we learn to pick a life path both from good and bad experiences. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  2. Heather - I think of every single "no" as getting me that much closer to my "Yes!"

    I especially resonated with your observation: "Sometimes it’s an answer that propels us forward in new ways."

  3. Zane says:

    I think we do shield kids from rejection. Actually, I'm pretty sure I have shielded my own two girls—with good intentions—from rejection at times. I like your point about growing and taking risks. This post is helpful for me on two levels: in thinking about parenting my children and in thinking about putting my work out there.

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Letting our kids take risks may be one of the hardest parts of parenting. Somehow it's easier to take risks ourselves than to allow someone else to risk something and possibly get hurt. Glad you found it thought-provoking! And good luck - every time you put your work out there you can learn something.

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