Tag Archives: it’s ok not to share

What’s Fair and What’s Equal

We don’t want to play favorites. That’s a basic tenet of raising kids. Yet our quest for impartiality can get in the way of recognizing, supporting or celebrating one child. Don’t play favorites, that’s still true, but kids can handle … Continue reading

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One Response to What’s Fair and What’s Equal

  1. One of my biggest pet peeves is how most people freely interchange the terms “fair” and “equal.” Equal is rarely fair, and fair should rarely be equal. Why? Because we are all unique!

    I feel stuck sometimes, especially with kids when they all want the approval of adults. Your example of praising the 12-yr-old and the father immediately mentioning his other children is a great example. Let the ones being praised have their 100% moment of glory. and insist on the same treatment when the next child has his/her success.

Making Room for Justice

What would you say if you saw a group of eight 1st and 2nd grade boys excluding a girl from their running game? Possibly this: Sexism. Girls discriminated against. Our adult minds leap to what seems obvious. We might sigh … Continue reading

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2 Responses to Making Room for Justice

  1. Meghan Owenz says:

    Love this! I call it “natural consequences.” Children learn from natural consequences if adults don’t step in and stop them from happening. The little girl’s behavior had a natural consequence – the children didn’t want to play with her any longer. I bet she learned from it too.

  2. Excellent observation. I’m amazed that everything you say about raising children is 100% common sense and based on how children see their world, not an adult’s interpretation of a child’s world.

Debunking ‘Choice’ in Children’s Behavior

Choice gets a bad name in early childhood. Adults scold kids about the “choices” they make on a daily basis: “That was not a good choice” (when she hits her brother). Or perhaps we interrogate: “Was that a good choice … Continue reading

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2 Responses to Debunking ‘Choice’ in Children’s Behavior

  1. Sarah says:

    Thank you for this. After working in a handful of daycare centers when I was in college, I am horrified and often repulsed to see how that time has snuck its way into my parenting. I tend to default back to those years and I hate it. This is one of those phrases that I have heard, that I have USED, but it has always bugged me, though I couldn’t put my finger on why.

    I love the phrase “neutral and helpful.” So much more effective.

  2. Keith says:

    “It’s ok to go up the slide.” What a great title for a book!

    Thanks for the helpful article, it was very enlightening. I’ll keep it in mind with my little ones (8 and 6, both going on 41).

Who has Mentored You?

I was in California last week, the home state of Bev Bos, legendary early childhood advocate and mentor to thousands. She died the week before I spoke on Feb. 4, and it was fitting that I should be addressing a … Continue reading

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7 Responses to Who has Mentored You?

  1. My dad was a great mentor. He quietly persevered through whatever came his way, and showed me the value of play, sports, discipline, and practicing to get better.

    Another mentor is one of my two best friends, Dennis. The great lesson he taught me was life is too short to save all the fun and recreation until retirement. He’s had great balance between work and play in his life, and my life is richer because he taught me that by example.

    Chris

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Chris, Thanks for sharing your mentors. Dennis’s example is something so rare these days – and yes, we need to see the living embodiment of it – balancing play and work. As my father says, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.”

  2. Jan Waters says:

    Thank you for recognizing and remembering Bev Bos. She was the best! Jan Waters

  3. Debbie Silver says:

    I was sad to read your post about Bev. I heard her speak many times and even had the pleasure of having dinner with her at an event! Every time I read (or reread) one of her books, I learned something new. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a compilation of all her wonderful and inspiring quotes, like the one you posted!!!

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      So glad you got to meet her, and isn’t it amazing how we are ready to hear certain messages only as time goes on? Good for you re-reading Bev’s wisdom – and I’m looking forward to seeing what quotes you collect!

  4. Patrick Donohue says:

    Bev Bos

    What a gift she was. We were blessed with the opportunity to participate in her preschool. We sent both our daughters there. Actually, after the first day, our eldest said she did not want to leave and requested that we move there and live with Bev in the preschool while holding onto Bev’s hand. Upon hearing this Bev picked her up and hugged her and quietly said something I don’t remember which made leaving OK.

    One did not just drop off kids there, as parents, all parents, were required to help run the school. Bev also require all parents to reularly participate in a parenting class one per month. There was a manditory contractual fine of $200.00 for failure to do so.

    Beyond the money, only an idiot would refuse. For she was a gifted orator and teacher who provided us with vital knowledge regarding raising and educating our kids.

    One thing she made us realize is that everything we do or say impacts our child’s life forever.
    So, it was important to be fully present in the moment with our children and to engage with empathy when interacting. Furthermore, we should eliminate the word “no” from our vocabulary. This proved easier said than done. The trick being to preemptively protect our kids from harm and harming thing by removing any dangers or precious objects from the home environment thus eliminating the need to say no or don’t.

    I could write a series of books about her value to us as parents.

Go Up the Slide with Early Bird Gifts

Author update: Early bird gifts extended to March 13, 2016. A box arrived on my doorstep from Penguin Random House this week. I thought it was THE BOOK. Instead it was a batch of lovely postcards from the publisher, but … Continue reading

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4 Responses to Go Up the Slide with Early Bird Gifts

  1. Deidra says:

    Congrats!

  2. Anne Donn says:

    Congratulations on your new book. So happy to hear that it’s release is getting close. I love the title. What a great way of seeing the world, as you go up the slide. All is well here.

  3. Saundra Fischer says:

    I am so excited about your new book! Your work has probably influenced me more as a parent and educator than any other author. Meeting you was a highlight last year. Thank you for all that you do!

Of Karate Kids and Soccer Moms

Karate. Ballet. Soccer. Swimming. Hockey. Art lessons. Music lessons. Theater class. Children’s choir.  The number of enrichment classes out there for children is mind-blowing. Chances are, if you have kids, you’ve signed your child up for one of these fun-filled … Continue reading

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Fantastic Fiction: Encouraging Young Writers

As our family moves through public school, I’ve heard six years’ worth of teachers explain why kids don’t write fiction in their class. “Frankly, kids aren’t very good at fiction. They only write about explosions, aliens and robots,” one teacher … Continue reading

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9 Responses to Fantastic Fiction: Encouraging Young Writers

  1. deidra says:

    Yes fiction writing is alive and well in our school. My son’s stories are so creative. He is becoming a great story teller. Is his spelling, grammar, and punctuation perfect? Absolutely not. There stories sometimes don’t flow very well, but most importantly they are really creative, funny and strange.

  2. ann says:

    I think the problem is teaching to the tests. It is crazy high stakes in public schools that have not found a creative way around to actually teach kids. For those schools that find ways to actually teach, they often find ways to develop the creativity in kids. Creativity in one area helps in other areas. The problem is when you feel like you only have time to teach the facts, the basics, the test, then you can look at creativity as a luxury instead of a necessity. I sure hope this will change soon.

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Thanks for your comments, Ann. You’re right, it must seem like a luxury, and you’re so right how creativity flows from one area to the next.

  3. I’m so happy you wrote this one. My best childhood moments were being alone, making up wild stories about witches and queens, and yes, even princes and princesses, but the witches, oh I had such good and terrible witches. And in these fantasies, I was allowed to die and resurrect on a regular basis. It is truly the basis for an active imagination.

  4. Jan Waters says:

    What are they doing to creativity???? They are dumbing down kids’ education! Who are these people who don’t value the creative spirit? Preschoolers write wonderful stories and an adult can write it down. We are not educating scholars we are educating technicians. Jan

  5. Anna says:

    That teacher’s reasoning is so crazy. I presume she has also cancelled math, since some kids aren’t that good at it? And art – after all, 6-year-olds’ drawings are hardly known for artistic merit. In my first years of piano lessons, my playing really sucked – clearly my parents should have quit giving me music lessons. In fact, isn’t it the very nature of any skill that needs to be taught and/or practiced, that the student is bad at the beginning?

  6. Katrin says:

    My son’s teacher has them write journal pages twice a week. They all have a blank top for a picture and then lines to write something. Some start with prompters such as “I wish”, “My Mom”, “I wonder”.
    He writes the most hilarious 1-4 sentence stories in his first grade spelling with really simple but extremely expressive pictures.
    I wish there was more writing and encouraging to write, but it seems like I should be happy about what his teacher already does.

Flash Card Babies

This morning I watched a mother hold her six-month-old baby. They were watching a screen together and the mother was singing along a counting song. “Twenty-two, twenty-three…” There was nothing truly wrong with the scene except expectations. The baby was … Continue reading

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9 Responses to Flash Card Babies

  1. So much common sense wisdom in such a simple message. Thank, Heather.

  2. Erika Cedillo says:

    Absolutely loved this post Heather, thank you! I know parents that have been doing flashcards with their kids since very early in their life, for me it didn’t feel good. Now your post has put it so clear. It is about time, but give time for every stage of development and allow them to play and let them get the concepts at a more appropriate time. Take time, don’t rush time, loved this!
    And I specially liked when you talk about parents dreading their kids fall behind, once again this is another issue that is about the parents and not the kids. I’ve worked, and keep working, on keeping my own expectations at bay and just allow my daughters to unfold their beautiful and brilliant characters at their own time.
    Thanks again!!

  3. Kirsten says:

    To my nearly 4-year-old, “yesterday” is any day that was in the past. Certainly makes things confusing for us when she’s talking about something that occurred almost a year ago, but she’s formulating how time works. She knows Tuesday is recycle truck day, but I have no idea if she understands the frequency of that occurrence, and that’s okay. She’ll get there and I’m so grateful to have advocates like you.

  4. Anna says:

    I remember reading something somewhere (maybe an REI site?) pointing out that before you try to “teach” your baby something, you need to ask yourself what he would have been learning in that time that you’ve now displaced, and which was more important.

    If the kid is 6 months old, there’s not even any kind of doubt: what nature was teaching him during those minutes was far more important than the numbers or letters you decided to drill: e.g., sensory integration, correlation of cause-and-effect, the fundamentals of universal grammar, recognition of key phonemes in his native language. . .

    Anybody who thinks counting or memorizing the number series is more important than these things is simply a moron, and shouldn’t be trying to direct anybody’s education.

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Lovely point. I often think in terms of “opportunity cost.” What are you giving up to make time for what you are doing?

  5. fionasamummy says:

    I used to sing numbers to baby B when I was so exhausted I couldnt think of any songs. Great article though.

Going Up the Slide

It’s here! So excited, wanted to share with you this beautiful cover for my new book It’s OK to Go Up the Slide. We still have to wait for the book – coming in spring – but thought you’d like … Continue reading

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10 Responses to Going Up the Slide

  1. Emily Plank says:

    So excited for you! How fun to see a cover!! :) Our field needs more of your wisdom, so I am really glad you have a second book to offer!!

  2. Bj Richards says:

    I can hardly wait! I gave your first book to all my families!!

    I recommend it to everyone!! Everywhere I go I refer people to your book. I have been doing child care for 39 years and your book is my all time favorite!!!

    Thank you
    Bj Richards

  3. Mary Haley says:

    I, too, have given the book to family and enjoy renegade discussions! Looking forward to the new book!

    Cover Idea: How about adding additional kids waiting to climb UP the slide!

  4. Cynthia Zapel says:

    You are amazing, Heather !! Congrats on your second innovative book. I wish I had such a book when I was raising my children. I also like the book cover-how appropriate.
    Thank You, Cynthia Zapel

  5. Warmest congrats. The cover is perfect and I am so thrilled with the title–yes, it’s just right for that next step in the child-rearing. Let them play.

  6. Congratulations and good luck with the new book. Looking forward to reading it and passing it on to those who need it much more than I do.

    Chris

  7. Heather Shumaker says:

    Thank you! So glad you like the cover. Can’t wait to share the real book with you soon.

  8. Katrin says:

    I cannot wait to read it! I’ve already hooked some families to “It’s ok not to share”, and I do already know that I’m going to get a copy for them and me.
    I love your ideas and your down to earth approach to parenting.

Sane Rules for Homework

The new school year probably brought excitement. Now it probably brings…homework. If your children are in elementary school, homework has very little place in it. Research shows (analysis of more approx. 180 peer-reviewed studies) that homework assignments for this age … Continue reading

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