Tag Archives: rejection among preschoolers

Embracing Rejection

Allowing kids to reject each other can build inclusiveness. What?! No, this isn’t George Orwell’s 1984, where every truth is backwards. It’s simply another renegade rule that takes some getting used to. When I explain why respectful rejection is good … Continue reading

Posted in Parenting with Renegade Rules | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

7 Responses to Embracing Rejection

  1. Jan Waters says:

    Heather, You’ve learned SYC philosophy well and it is all developmentally sound. I love the way you can explain things. Jan Waters

  2. Funny, even as an adult I’m sooo hesitant to set boundaries when I’m deep in conversation with someone and another friend comes along. Maybe we all need practice at this.

  3. Erika says:

    Great topic! I really appreciate the example of questions to ask our kids if they don’t want to play with someone. It’s about being curious, open to their answers, to honor their choices and guide them to make it in a kind way. I tell my girls, it’s ok if you want to play by yourself, just say it respectfully. THanks for this post!!

  4. Zanzanil says:

    I used to see my daughter behaving badly with one particular child. I sat her down and explained that it’s ok to dislike some one. But there always a better way to say no. And it did work big time between them and eventually they did get along just fine.

  5. MIhaela says:

    Hello! Great material! Thank you for the precious information.
    I would like to ask you how can we help the rejected one? The case is: a pre-teen girl (11 years old) with Spina Bifida – she has a light locomotion issue (she is walking a little bit strange and she wares a special brace at her down part of the leg – she cannot run very fast and avoids to get involved in games with a ball or where she risks to be pushed, because her medical condition), who is willing to play more “calm” games with her peers when outdoors and she very often gets rejected. Many times she gets the answer: “we can play later with you a game in which you can participate”, but they forget her afterwards. She also gets this tough “no”. She is a bold child, who communicates easily with both children and adults. Thank you!

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Occasional rejection is one thing, and chronic rejection is another. With kids who are frequently rejected it often helps to have adult help, even if it’s talking about it and learning a few phrases “OK, my turn” or “When’s later? When you get to 10 points?” Later is too vague and it can help to quantify it. There’s a chapter on chronic rejection is my book “It’s OK Not to Share.” If she’s bold and tough and can communicate easily she can figure out many of these things herself, but it can help to ease the way.

First Rejections

My very first rejection letter came in 3rd grade.  I’d been writing endless stories by then, and thought I was pretty good.My teacher loved my stories and encouraged me to apply; my parents loved them. I was sure I would … Continue reading

Posted in Agents and publishing, Parenting with Renegade Rules, Joyful Literacy | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

6 Responses to First Rejections

  1. I’ll keep trying to get published until I run out of story ideas.

    I think kids today are much to shielded from rejection. One of the most important things about growing up is finding out what you are bad at, as well as what you’re good at. If everyone is told they excel at everything they try, they’ll be too overwhelmed with false choices to make an intelligent career or life choice. That’s why competition is vital to a strong, successful society.

    We want the best athletes to populate our teams, the best teachers to teach our children, the smartest people to figure out the mysteries of nature, the best writers to capture the thoughts and deeds of successful people and to stir our imaginations for what is possible or dreamable, the strongest mentally to do the toughest jobs, the best nurterers to take care of the young, the old, the sick and the weak.

    The only way to do that is gently but firmly sort out everyone’s abilities with competition, grades, achievement tests, art and music lessons, youth sports, etc., where everyone can try activities in a non-critical setting and discover for themselves what they love, like, hate, excel at, or just plain stink at doing.

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Chris, yes, life choices can be overwhelming, and we learn to pick a life path both from good and bad experiences. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  2. Heather – I think of every single “no” as getting me that much closer to my “Yes!”

    I especially resonated with your observation: “Sometimes it’s an answer that propels us forward in new ways.”

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Yeah! Some people call it ‘failing upward.’ We keep on learning and moving forward. Keep going!

  3. Zane says:

    I think we do shield kids from rejection. Actually, I’m pretty sure I have shielded my own two girls—with good intentions—from rejection at times. I like your point about growing and taking risks. This post is helpful for me on two levels: in thinking about parenting my children and in thinking about putting my work out there.

    • Heather Shumaker says:

      Letting our kids take risks may be one of the hardest parts of parenting. Somehow it’s easier to take risks ourselves than to allow someone else to risk something and possibly get hurt. Glad you found it thought-provoking! And good luck – every time you put your work out there you can learn something.